Catastrophe: Found in Facebook

Words by Katia Pase

Published on April 10, 2013

 

i. Look, this is the situation

I didn’t get the job.
But I have this storyline folded
under a coaster. It involves
Toadie crashing his car into a tree.

I can almost hear all
the screaming girls and breaking
hearts. It’s
one of my best, and I’m saving it
for when things get
really desperate.

ii. From a motel somewhere on the West Coast

I’ve been testing out the selection of soaps and shampoos in the bathroom. I smell like lemon, like someone else. And now your cat is watching me shit through a crack in the toilet door, and just like that, the heart pangs return.

iii. Welcome back from Japan, your gifts are disturbing

If you’re a friend of mine, chances are you’ve barely seen me this year. I’ve been listening to J-Pop and writing a belated father’s day card. I hear you’ve been having a great time dealing with Dean’s inability to do simple things like Skype, but don’t worry, I’m now well positioned to God and I’m here to help. You are all wonderful human beings. I’m here now.

iv. I once heard

that lettuce has more
calcium
than milk.

v. It’s started

I lost my shoe at
the tip today. I’ve
most certainly
packed on a few pounds.
And mother won’t be too
impressed with how dark I am, but
when my orientalist metal
band Anti-Buddha finally gets
off the ground, you will all
be making a play for
my heart.